‘A handheld grater will make guests want to have sex with you’: the anatomy of a grown-up apartment

In an excerpt from her new book, Sinéad Stubbins offers a guide to decor that tells a lie – you have this whole thing figured out

The thing they don’t tell you is that parties change when you get older. You have this idea that once you graduate from sticky floors and vodka in plastic cups you’ll suddenly get invited to sophisticated dinner parties every weekend. Parties where everyone is drinking tempranillo and saying thought-provoking things, where the apartment is scented like linen and figs and is washed in a warm orange light.

Big wooden bowls of pasta materialise from nowhere and there are delicate salads of shaved pear. Somehow there is never a mess to clean up. Everyone is wearing white trousers.

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