Tea & Therapy: The Growing Distance

That scary feeling

Few years ago an aunt from my father’s side passed away suddenly due to a cardiac failure. I was young to understand the severity then. Recently, I lost my elder brother in a similar manner. He was all of 42 years. Since his death I have become paranoid and fearful of any health related issues. I am so jittery these days that any minor health scare and I land up in doctor’s clinic. I know its right but I really am worried. What can I do to get out if this cycle?

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Fear as well as grief both are quite overwhelming feelings to handle at the same time. Being overwhelmed could result in irrational behaviour at times. Our mind tricks us into thinking that we cope better if we are being excessively cautious of health. In your case you realise that it is excessive.

I would recommend meeting a professional for few sessions that could help you in dealing with these overwhelming feelings. Once you gain emotional control, rationally thinking through before acting will be easier.

Also, limiting your health check ups to once in few months could be helpful as well. Professional help at this stage could help gain control not just over your emotions but also your actions that seem to fuel the anxiety constantly.

Dragged to dirty politics

Last month, I was given promotion and I didn’t see it coming my way. I am confident about my skills but I sure lack some experience for the said post. I have learnt a lot on the job and am doing quite well.

However, recently I discovered the real reason for my sudden promotion. My senior manager was trying to be vindictive towards a manager who was originally supposed to get this promotion.

I am caught up in dirty politics as the manager who was passed this promotion is at logger heads with me for this reason and my senior thinks I am supposed to work his way as he did me a favour. I feel stressed with all this. what can I do?

Getting caught up in office politics often acts as an added stress both emotionally as well as mentally. in case your promotion is simply causing jealousy in your colleagues and thus resulted in this news, you need to be sure of the authenticity. and if it is in fact true, confronting your senior with the knowledge you have about your promotion as well as seeking clarification will help you clear any misconceptions.

Conversing with the manager who didn’t get promoted and acknowledging his/her feelings towards this decision could help make things functional between the two of you.

Workplace woes

I work as a salesperson in a clothes outlet at a popular mall. I am usually very calm and approachable, but recently I got into a fight with a customer.

The customer was acting rude to a colleague of mine and I was asked to intervene by the manager to diffuse the situation. Instead the customer become even more abusive without there being any fault of mine. I could only take so much and ended up shouting back and it stopped only when manager stepped in. I was suspended for my behaviour for two weeks and so was my colleague. It is an unfair treatment to both of us and I feel agitated. How do I express this to my manager who didn’t bother checking in what happened in reality but issued suspension?

It must have been really frustrating to serve suspension with no fault of yours when you simply stood up for yourself and your colleague. You feel that your manager should have been more compassionate in this situation and supported his staff or at least investigated who was at fault.

You could seek a meeting expressing your concerns in an assertive manner. Unless these emotions are expressed, your anger could surface in unexpected manner and affect your work and work equations.

The Growing Distance

I have been living away from home for the past seven years. I find myself emotionally distant from my family and I believe it is a result of me and them not trying to communicate effectively over the years when we aren’t physically present around each other. I am now moving back but going to stay in another house. I am worried that I wont be able to connect with them and it might lead to disappointments. I would like to maintain my peace and yet feel at home when I am with them. How do I avoid unpleasantness or foreseeable disharmony?

I gather that you have developed distance in terms of emotionality owing to the physical distance between you and your family. It may not be an easy transition from less communication and infrequent visits to living in the same city.

It is not mandatory to have a certain degree of closeness to actually feel close to your family. You are free to establish your own ways and means of showing that you care about them. It doesn’t have to be constant communication with each other.

Once you move back, have a conversation with your family telling them how you have evolved in the last few years due to distance and that for better family environment you all might have to get used to each other by getting to know one another in a different light.

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