How many of you have played doctor-doctor as kids?
Wasn’t it so much fun playing it?
Today I am going to share with you something that happened to me a long time ago. It might make some of you feel uncomfortable, but I am also going to tell you ways in which you can protect it from happening to your children.
So let’s get back to doctor-doctor. I used to love playing that game, until he inserted his — I didn’t even know what to call it then — penis, into my — and I didn’t even have a name for it — vagina. We were kids. I was completely shocked.
I trusted him, he was my teenage cousin. I knew something was wrong but I just didn’t have the words to express it. And so, I kept it a secret. A secret for 30 long years from my parents. I never told anyone about it but I never forgot about it either.
It only took me a lifetime of work to stand here before you and share my story. So, why am I sharing this with you now? Now, because 109 children are being sexually abused every single day in our country.
Now, because I finally have the courage to share my story. It’s happening in our houses and sometimes right under our eyes without us knowing anything about it...
Are we, as parents, failing to teach consent culture to our children? Are we forcing them to hug uncles and aunties they don’t want to. And most of all, when our own child musters up the courage to share with us about an inappropriate touch they experienced by a loved or trusted one, we do one of two things:
We tell them ‘You are lying’. We blame or shame them. Or we ‘sshhh’ them because we are too damn worried about the honour of our family. Log kya kahengay, what will people say?
But by doing that, we are failing to create a safe space for our children. We are failing at protecting our children.
In 2012, when the horrific gang rape case of Jyoti Singh Pandey happened in New Delhi, it completely shook me. I no longer wanted to be a silent bystander to the atrocious crimes being committed against the women and girls in our country.
And that’s when I decided to actively do something about it. I decided to educate women and girls against violence. Teach children the difference between safe and unsafe touch. That intent of mine gave rise to my organisation ‘Sayfty’.
Say something against gender based violence. So six years later and after having worked with thousands of women and children, one thing is very obvious: Child sexual abuse is an invisible crime that is crippling our children.
We hear from survivors, including men and boys, about the challenges they face in sharing their stories because there is so much shame and stigma in our society. While so many people have experienced child sexual abuse very few are open to talking about it, doing anything to prevent it.
As a survivor, and someone who works with women and children daily, let me tell you what we can do. Parents, teachers and caregivers, listen. Listen to your children without judging them.
If a child ever discloses to you about an inappropriate touch or shows signs of abuse, please believe them. Remember it’s never a child’s fault. Children often do not have the vocabulary to express their abuse.
Child sexual abuse is a crime... There are no two ways about it. Children don’t lie about sexual abuse. In fact in 98% of the reported cases, a child’s statement was always found to be true.
Look for signs. Unfortunately, abusers are amongst us. They are distributed equally across all strata of society. So if you see someone spending inordinate amounts of time with your child, use it as a red flag.
Three decades ago maybe parents didn’t know how to talk to us about sex, consent, etc. But for how long are we going to use this as an excuse to do the same to our children?
Today, I am the mother of a four-year-old girl. I know how difficult and awkward these conversations can be. But protecting our children should be the first priority.
As adults, it is our responsibility to protect our children, so today I ask all of you to take this information and share it with the universe because our children deserve a happy and memorable childhood.
source https://www.freepressjournal.in/featured-blog/i-loved-playing-doctor-doctor-until-shruti-kapoor-on-consent-culture-and-the-importance-of-listening-to-children
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